Hello Just Means Hello

Fellas, here we are, deep into the autumn season.  Halloween has come and gone, the weather is cooler, sweaters are in the wardrobe rotation and intimate, close encounters with our female counterparts have taken on a new perspective.  In our quest to find a woman who suits our personality, tastes and overall zest for life, it is crucial – even mandatory, to remember one basic nugget of information in man and woman relationships.

Let’s say you cross paths with a delightful woman at a church function, at the grocery store, buying food at the farmer’s market, or where ever; and by chance for a moment she looks your way and says, “Hello” she means just that. Hello.

Do not try make this moment more than what it is because most likely you’ll either embarrass yourself or just freak her out.  If you watch the show Big Bang Theory – the character Raj lacks confidence when dealing with the fairer sex.  In one particular episode Raj was in a coffee shop, approached a woman and said “Hi”. She responded in kind but unfortunately he took that as a cue to tell her his entire life story in minutes and then out of desperation strip naked in front of her.  A pain to watch and without a moment’s hesitation the young lady ran away with the quickness.

Now we know you’re thinking to yourself that’s just television and it’s just an extreme case but too easily the above scenario can become reality if one is lacking self-assurance. If the universe for any reason beckons her to utter the word “Hello” go with a conservative approach and positive outlook – she is a nice person acknowledging your existence.  That is all, no subliminal messages or female mind games at work, she just wants to be.  Don’t be coy, say hello right back, strike up a conversation if she’s in the mood and see where it goes.

Above all else keep it simple show interest not desperation by asking engaging questions (i.e. if she was reading a book ask about that) and have a fun time . Forcing her into your zone is only a trigger for her to become tense, distrustful and ready to turn the other way.

Remember, when you next meet a woman and a “Hi” is all you get take it for what it is.  Women notice us before we realize anything concrete about the situation so take it easy and let it flow. The less you do may be the best approach for good things to develop.

Keep it smooth!

Hey, Hey….Hey Girl

Ladies, in your day-to-day travels and experiences I’m sure it is safe to say that many a guy has uttered some kind of witty, or useless line to get your attention.  Most times we genuinely want to get to know you and build a good, long-lasting relationship because we can’t always hang out with the fellas.  Also, we might take a while to get our act together (for many reasons) and let you all know that we want to be with you but we have good intentions, seriously we do.

However, there are those on the other side of the guy-hooks-up-with-girl spectrum, the ones unfortunately you woman have to deal with the most often the ones that all the relationship magazines and blogs warn about. Simply put, you are the “hey girl”. These dude have no motive other than to spit game to you, serenade you with coy phrases, handle business and then move on to the next sweetheart. You know how the flow goes, as you walk around the mall, shopping plaza or the like you hear it. “hey, hey girl let me talk to you right quick” or “hey baby, can I get some of your time” and the straight to the point “hey, let me get your number?”.

To some degree the pursuit of the fairer sex is more of a game than anything else and to be honest most guys have done this in their lifetime because we do like the “chase”. That being said, fellas there is a point in life when you have to just need to let it go. Why? Because you can’t seduce every pretty woman you ever come across and woman want a companion not a Casanova. Find a woman you can actually have a conversation with instead of seeing what lines work the best on a Friday or Saturday night. Do you really want to be hollering at a woman with tactics you used when you were 19, 20 when you are in your thirties?

So, what are some method to get a woman’s attention in a way that is mature, convincing and interesting? Her’s a quick list:

  • Start with a compliment: take notice of her style, her earrings, the way her tattoo is colored,  her nail polish color, anything a guy wouldn’t commonly mention.  Use your observation skills for other than for her curves.
  • Ask for directions: Yes, we normally don’t do this but that’s your ticket in.  You can spin a conversation out of where you’re going and ask what her favorite spots are.  Eventually ask for a date. See how it goes.
  • Food: Food brings us all together. If you’re out and the woman of your dreams is eating, be kind of slick and say something along the lines of “that looks delicious, is that your go to dish?” Strike up a convo from there.
  • Bookworm move: If you see her reading, ask her how she likes the book, what she thinks of it what other books excite her and strike up a conversation.

These are just a few suggestions but be creative and use your style to be that cool cat who knows how to talk to a woman.

Keep it smooth.

 

The Art of conversation

The holidays crept up on me and it’s amazing how much time you think you have to get everything done when the reality is you don’t, anyway, back on it and ready to dive in to the topic.

What kind of conversationalist are you? Actually, let me back it up a bit and let’s start with this, what is a conversationalist?

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, a conversationalist is:

A person who is good at or fond of engaging in conversation.

Yup, doesn’t get more clear and direct than that.  And it truly is a skill you can learn and master. Maybe you weren’t born knowing how to speak to a room full of strangers and make them feel like old buddies going out for a drink. Or perhaps you want to work on your skills of persuasion. Maybe you just want to share your insights on certain topics, keep the conversation fresh and always on point.

Well, go out there and practice, be it with a colleague you rarely talk too or someone at your church or that fine lady you see at Peets‘ every Tuesday and Thursday morning. Use these tips and you’ll be well on your way to becoming a conversation guru:

The Icebreaker: This is where the fun begins folks! We all have more in common than we think and if we take the time to notice our similarities that’s a positive for a conversation starter.  Maybe you notice someones watch, their accent, the way they laugh, how depressing the office Christmas party is.  Anything, under normal circumstances, that you feel might be a worthy entry to start talking, go for it.

Making Contact: I don’t mean intelligent life forms on distant planets.  I do mean once you get past the icebreaker stage and made a conversation-connection (as in, I don’t mind talking to you, this works) go on and introduce yourself.  First name is probably your best bet and some basic info about yourself wouldn’t hurt. As time progresses hint on about topics to discuss but please don’t just dive right in. Doing so looks desperate for attention and it is off-putting to just unload your life story on someone you just met four minutes ago.

Converse: At this stage a topic is already on the table (hopefully) and your focus is to be engaged, ask questions, add your opinions, and listen. This is the meat and potatoes, the moment where you build on and see how and where the conversation goes.  Try no to dominate the conversation; if that does happen you’ll notice how quickly the conversation will go stale and come to an end.  In the same manner don’t be too passive either and let the others do a majority of the talking.

The Wrap Up: All great conversations have to come to an end and it best to do it gracefully. Indicate you have to go without getting too complicated of a reason. You are getting ready to leave, you have another obligation to take care of, or you are just short on time.  Once you’ve signaled the end of the conversation mention that it was a pleasure, it was great, it was an honor speaking to that person and, if it makes sense, exchange contact info.  The contact info isn’t a requirement but it is a smooth gesture and shows the person that you’re genuine. Don’t just abruptly end a conversation while someone is talking unless you get a vibe that this person is starting to get a little weird, starting to get drunk or you realize they’re being an ass.