Guy’s Night Out

Every so often the work week has been less than perfect and we all need to hang out with our support group to relax, catch up and talk sports, politics, women and whatever comes to mind.  You call up the fellas, pick a spot to go, a time to meet and see who’s picking up the first round of drinks.  Now for me and many in my situation things are a bit different now that I’m in my thirties.  Still young enough to know about the hot spots but old enough to know what spots you really don’t need to go (i.e. get yourself arrested, shot, deported or divorced).  Hot spots at age 21 shouldn’t be the same as age 31. I am a man of smoothness now so I have to be…cautious.  Here’s my breakdown of guy’s night out, where you should and probably should not go:

Nightclubs:  College and post college, basically most of your twenties, was the time to hit the club.  Throw on some jeans, semi-decent shirt, wait in line for an hour and pay an expensive cover charge.  Then buy a few watered down drinks, priced the same as filling up your gas tank, and stand on the wall – waiting for something to jump off; or maybe you were on the dance floor with barely enough room to rub up on somebody and dance.  But now you’re a smooth gentlemen, the club should not be your spot anymore.  You want to play conquer the kitty fine, just let somebody know so, they don’t waste their life standing in line or paying a cover to aid in your quest.

Strip clubs: There was an era in time when watching a booty bounce 6 inches from your face in a dark seedy place with other fellas might have been a suitable, even encouraged but nowadays you know better.  Outside of the occasional bachelor party destination going to a strip club for guy’s night out just seems desperate.  I love the female body but I don’t need a strip club to appreciate it either. Do you really want to spend your payday money on Natasha for her pole skills and fake charm or save that money to buy a surround sound system home theater where you can see whoever you want bouncing in your own living room?

Restaurants/Sports Bars: I don’t mind restaurants as long as certain protocols are in place in the very beginning:  No fine dining – I mean really, we’re chillin’ fellas, this is not a date.  The venue must have a TV, in between talking about work and Rhianna we have to keep track of the score. Sports bars are a given as long as everyone knows to show up early.  Hovering waiting for a place to sit is not the business.

Jazz club/lounge: If you are with the right group of fellas places like this can never go wrong.  You’ve got music, food, room to sit (if you get there early enough) and talk trash with the fellas and check out some fantastic eye candy in the process (yes!).  Some of the best guy’s night out moments so far have been at places like these. Out here in the Bay Area several venues are perfect for a night out and I’m sure where ever you are the same is true, just call up your people pick a spot and make it happen.  Remember the goal is to enjoy the night on a mature level, flirt a little, drink a little and unwind.

Pool Hall:  For some this may be a weekly ritual for others maybe once a month or so.  I guess it depends on your click of fellas.  I’ve gone a few times, tried a couple of trick shots and I’ve usually had a good time.  Couple drinks with a few games I was good to go.  This was just all for fun, not trying to be the pool shark out to hustle and collect debts and break fingers, ya know!

That’s my list and I’m sure there are plenty of other should and should not go spots out there but overall keep it smooth and safe.  Guy’s night out shouldn’t result in jail time, hospital visits or strange beds in the morning, unless that’s your thing. More power to you.

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Your word

The older and wiser I become the more I’ve realized how many people are all talk and little action. Be it trying to impress a woman, a mentor, a company, a group of peers, appearing successful or whatever it is nothing says trustworthy like doing exactly what you will do. Maybe it’s me, I don’t know, but people just like to pop off at the mouth and say whatever with no substance behind it. A lack of good old-fashioned man of your word.  It’s smooth etiquette 101!! Case in point:

Example A, you plan to meet an associate somewhere and conduct business and are supposed to meet Saturday at 3pm.  It’s 3:30 and I get a call saying, “Oh, can’t make it, something came up”. No problem, you reschedule to meet Tuesday at 6pm. Tuesday comes by and now there is another “issue” and can’t make it again.  After rescheduling over and over with an excuse every time, it’s just plain fact that this person’s word is no good.  He says something but his actions tell otherwise.

Example B, Let’s say you meet up with a buddy and he tells you about a great deal on basketball tickets, lower level.  He hypes you up about his connection, you get some cash together and the day before the event calls and says, “My hook up didn’t come through, but I’ll get you next time”. Problem is every time a good prospect comes up this dude flakes, his word is no good.

So all, when it comes down to it people respect your word. They trust you more and know that when you say something there is nothing else to it. Even the holy bible says, “But let your ‘yes’ be ‘yes’ and your ‘no’,’no’.  For whatever is more than these is from the evil one” Matthew 5:37 (NKJV)

Hey, I didn’t write it but makes sense doesn’t it? Do what you say you’ll do, mean what you say.

The Almighty Hat

I have reconnected with the supreme stylings, the elegant contours of headwear. Sorry to disappoint some but the headwear discussed will not include ball caps, beanies or wave caps (for real, dudes still wear those?).  There is a time and place for them but I’m taking about mature hats.  I won’t go into detail about the different hat styles, methods of wearing a hat, storage, coordination of hat so on and so forth.  That will be for another post in the future instead I’ll speak on why a guy needs a good hat.  Picture this if you will, going out to dinner with your lady and you all are heading to a nice restaurant, movie and walk around the town. You get dressed to impress, slacks on, of course. Button up shirt and tie, indeed. Dress shoes looking sharp and clean, yes.  Coat on, you bet. Ready to go and enjoy the movie.  Whoa, hold up now.  Missing ingredient, and I missed it for years.

The hat is the centerpiece, the icing on the cake of your wardrobe. The one accessory a man wears that is immediately noticed and gives a glimpse of your uniqueness.  It adds an element of cool and compliments your outfit to give it extra presence.  Think of it this way, you can eat world-class gourmet pancakes or waffles without maple syrup/honey/agave if you want to but you won’t.  You can have a 5-star rated salad without the dressing but you won’t. Why? Because the honey, syrup and salad dressing add flavor and character to the overall experience.  That is what a good hat will do.  It will add flavor and character, the hat will bring out the distinguished classy appearance and enhance an already excellent outfit. At a minimum it will keep your head warm while you look good.

A good hat will let your persona shine through and women know a man who can wear a hat has that confidence.  I typically go with a fedora or kangol but you’ll find what works for you.  As mentioned earlier there will be a post on the different hat styles and the ways to wear a hat.  Once you take that step to embrace the almighty hat it is game over and you’ll be winning.

Decline an invitation?

This past Thursday a friend at work invited me out to lunch.  It was a warm day, slight breeze nothing too out of the ordinary and the plan was to meet up at 12:58.  I was all with it, I like food. Then at about 11:30 I receive a text. “Hey change in plans, my husband is coming out for lunch and I’m going to meet him at so-so place, at 12:10.  Wanna join us?”.  At first I said to myself, hmm okay, but I just started working on a task and won’t be done till 12.  Then I told her, “I started a task, won’t be done until 12. It’d be cool to meet your husband, but another time.”

Then the plan changed again.

Now the met time changed to 12:20 and the lunch was relocated to a spot closer to work, about 5 minutes away.  The scenario is swirling in my head, husband is making an effort to come down to be with his lady. I know I would be a little upset if I was planning to meet my wife for lunch and other folk came to join.  At this point, I’m trying to take the gentleman approach. I’m thinking to myself I don’t want to be the third leg. I was going to gracefully bow out! I told my friend “look thanks, but he’s coming to see you I don’t want to intrude.”  I tried a variety of smooth excuses to get out of this but she told me all was cool and that he really wanted to meet up.  In the end I just bit the bullet and decided to go.

I’m glad I did.  It was a great lunch and overall fun experience.  Sometimes declining an invitation is necessary, time conflicts, prior engagements whatever.  Then, there are those that you just should go against your gut and rock it.  You never know the coolness you might miss out on.